I feel so embarrassed. Embarrassed that I’m 30 lbs heavier. Embarrassed that I can’t move. Embarrassed that I can’t jump. I could feel people staring at me. Some judging, some trying to figure out where they know me from, some new faces. All are thinking in their head “wow she’s really gained some weight” or “wow she’s lost her touch”. I’m embarrassed I’m losing to people who i should not lose to. I’m embarrassed to play with people who I used to walk all over. I’ve never walked onto a volleyball court and felt shame like I did today.

I don’t know where to go from here, but I know I don’t want to feel that again.

Next Serve, Nicole